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I’m not a home maker!

This summer I’m home and got nothing much to do except play with my baby and take care of him exactly the way I have been wanting to for a loooooong time. However, there are times when I sit back and analyse if this is how I want all my summers to be. And it was in between one of such analysis that the truth came to me. I’m very happy to be with my son (who is now 2.3 years old) and I’m very happy because for the first time my home is better managed and my family better fed than ever before, I’m happy that I have found time to get connected with my family with with whom I just had a passing relationship of one call in a few days.

I have also realised that I am not cut out for this role. I am not a home maker. I’m not a cook, as in I can cook, but it does not give me any special joy. I cannot go on decorating the house at length, I cannot go on depending someone else’s income to fulfill my wishes (Here I should point out that my husband will be very offended to hear this coz never in these 3 months has he ever made me feel unemployed).

I need to get out of the house, I need to meet people and I need cues around me to stimulate my thought process. When I was working I hardly had the time to blog for instance and I used to long for days when I could just browse the net, read about different things and write extensively. But if I look at the rate at which I have been blogging as compared to what it was while I was working its a hard reckoning! So I have realised this thing about my self that while I want to spend time with my family and do the best for people around me, I need to be in touch with the outside world.

So, I have made a promise to myself today that this is the only summer I am spending like this. I will make sure that I never lose touch with myself, my needs because until and unless I am happy with what I am doing I cannot make people around me happy.

 
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Posted by on May 11, 2010 in Daily Life, Family

 

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My son in his new uniform

check out his pose :-)
check out his pose 🙂

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He looks so cute and all grown up! Dont miss his school bag in the background in the second pic.

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2009 in Daily Life, Family

 

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Its a mom!

I am a mother…I have a son who is 1.5 year old. When my son was born everyone rejoiced…Its a boy! While i silently said to my self…its a mom! because the birth of a child is also the birth of a mother.

Day 1

Day 1

For the first 1-2 months all I could feel was the immense load of responsibility, lack of sleep, lack of peace, lack of space, pain in all parts of my body, fatigue …everything unpleasant. While I was happy to have a baby who was cuter than the word ‘cute’ could ever describe and more adorable than anyone could ever be, I was too consumed in the changes that he had brought in my life to notice that I was now a mother. As days passed by, and as I got adjusted to his demands and routine, I started to spend and actually enjoy sometime with him…but he was still just a cute baby who happened to be mine.

Siddhu

Then with time he started to learn to focus his gaze and I would find his gaze following me wherever I went. It was crazy I told myself, how could a 3-month old baby know I was his mother, I mean there were others who loved him equally his father, his grandmom and others. But the following continued. Then came a time when he started reaching out with his hands…touching my face…smiling, frowning, and then gradually laughing his tiny baby laugh…he was resopnding…not just to anyone…just me. He seemed to be saying, “I know you, you are my mother. We have a special bond.” I felt it then, slowly and steadily the feeling creeped in and it found home in the deepest part of my being – I was a mother.

I was made to realise this by my son, my tiny, cute baby who can still hardly say 3-4 words but can convey his love and complete trust with his simple getsures. I love the way he hugs me tight when I meet him after a gap of even a few hours, I love the way he runs to me when I open my arms to him, I love the way he snuggles up to me when he is sleepy, and I love the way he…I guess I love just every thing about him. He’s not just a cute baby anymore…he is my son!

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Posted by on June 25, 2009 in Family, Feelings, Love

 

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