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Category Archives: Family

Flight to Freedom

All parents come to a stage where they want their kids to become independent and yet when the little things start to flutter their wings we want to snatch them back and hide them under our wings. I had one of these moments last week when my 8 year old went for a five day nature camp – (read: five days without me!) I think the excitement he displayed  and the fear he showed was more for my benefit than any real anticipation.

 

It began with me making a list of things he would need during his camp…or let’s just say ‘things I thought he will need’. Most of the stuff I packed – raincoat (they had predicted rains!), socks, snacks, shampoo, etc. – came back  unused. I worried how he will pass the four-hour drive –  he made friends in the bus itself. I gave him tetra packs of milk – one for each morning – he had hot chocolate with his new friends. I worried he won’t get any sleep on a new bed – he slept all alone on his bunk bed and snuggled with one of the volunteers when he had a nightmare.

 

At first I was curious about his days there. Being so used to planning all his activities throughout the day, it was strange not knowing what he would be doing. I know I sound like a complete control freak!  I did not know what to do. Maybe I should have given him a bigger bag, maybe I should have packed some more snacks, maybe…so many things I should have done and had not done. Shocking stories one hears about older kids bullying young ones started plaguing  me the moment he was out of sight. I actually had a minor panic attack the day he left. My husband quietly held my hand and gave me the space I needed to let it wash over me. And then he told me it was going to be okay.

 

And you know what…it was okay. We survived! After the first day or two I was okay with not knowing what he was doing. I felt guilty about it. Maybe I should have been worried, sad, anxious, but I was not. Was I betraying my son by not feeling sad about him not being with me. I think not. Was I disappointed the camp had not called me once during the five days saying my son was missing me? Maybe a little ;-). My son came back all black and brown, with dirt under his finger nails and mud in his hair. But best thing he got with him was a huge smile on his elfin face!!! And that is priceless.

 
 

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I’m not a home maker!

This summer I’m home and got nothing much to do except play with my baby and take care of him exactly the way I have been wanting to for a loooooong time. However, there are times when I sit back and analyse if this is how I want all my summers to be. And it was in between one of such analysis that the truth came to me. I’m very happy to be with my son (who is now 2.3 years old) and I’m very happy because for the first time my home is better managed and my family better fed than ever before, I’m happy that I have found time to get connected with my family with with whom I just had a passing relationship of one call in a few days.

I have also realised that I am not cut out for this role. I am not a home maker. I’m not a cook, as in I can cook, but it does not give me any special joy. I cannot go on decorating the house at length, I cannot go on depending someone else’s income to fulfill my wishes (Here I should point out that my husband will be very offended to hear this coz never in these 3 months has he ever made me feel unemployed).

I need to get out of the house, I need to meet people and I need cues around me to stimulate my thought process. When I was working I hardly had the time to blog for instance and I used to long for days when I could just browse the net, read about different things and write extensively. But if I look at the rate at which I have been blogging as compared to what it was while I was working its a hard reckoning! So I have realised this thing about my self that while I want to spend time with my family and do the best for people around me, I need to be in touch with the outside world.

So, I have made a promise to myself today that this is the only summer I am spending like this. I will make sure that I never lose touch with myself, my needs because until and unless I am happy with what I am doing I cannot make people around me happy.

 
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Posted by on May 11, 2010 in Daily Life, Family

 

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Entering a New Life!

I hardly remember enjoying the rituals during my wedding. There was too much happening at the same time for me to grasp anything. Everything is just a blur, especially the rituals where we just did as we were told. The whole family drama, the relatives, the preparations to welcome a new bride and the customes to make her feel comfortable were all lost on me then. I was too pre-occupied with my feelings about the changes it would bring in my life.

However, when recently my brother-in-law got married I got a chance to live my wedding one more time…and truely enjoy it this time! Having been close to both bride and groom, I got an insider view of the preparations on both side. As they went through the selection of different things to begin their new life I remembered having endless discussions with my then would-be husband about what all we should buy now and what all we will buy later – together…all the while taking advise from my sisters, mother and good friends. Then came the smallest of rituals which all hold some meaning to bless us and prepare us for the new life we are about to step into.

Watching them from the outside this time I could see it all in flashback. I could see myself as the excited bride, all decked up, following every ritual in earnest, clearly enjoying the attention :-)! I could see my husband looking handsome in his Sherwaani and smiling to the world at large (more to himself 😉 ). I saw us hunched up next the the holy fire during the Pheras listening devoutly to the Mantras being recited for us…but really hearing and understanding them now.

Then came the homecoming of the bride and the nervous excitment of my in-laws about making the new bride feel at home in the new household. I saw for the first time how they were all earnestly making an effort to put the best foot forward and welcome the new bride. I was taken back to my first few days in this new family every where small details had been taken into consideration to ensure a smooth ride for me. I was touched all over again as my mother-in-law made a list of all the things that should be kept in the new room to ensure she didnt have to ask for anything and remembered that I too had found everything ready for me. I remember how on the 2nd day my father-in-law had declared that now I would come before my husband in his consideration so I should never hesitate to come to him if I ever had a problem or complain about my husband.  Everything now made so much sense and brought tears in my eyes coz for the first time I could see my in-laws and my own parents.

A special mention goes to my elder sister-in-law. Having come to the family first she had survived in a household totally unprepared for a girl’s presence. Her suggestion to my mother-in-law to make certain arrangements to make us more comfortable were not lost on me. I understood that she was trying to give us everything she had to arrange for herself. Having benefitted from her thoughtfullness I took an active part in making the preparations to welcome our newest family member.

I am now much more a part of this family than I ever was. I now know that a groom’s family is just as excited, nervous and eager to include a new member in their family and their life as the bride is. I feel I am very lucky to have found not just the perfect husband but also the perfect family to spend the rest of my life with!

 
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Posted by on March 8, 2010 in Family, Feelings, Memories

 

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The child in us!

Growing up is inevitable. As we grow we see a new life, meet new people, form new relationships while old relationships change. Our circle of life expands to include people who we sometimes conciously and sometimes unconciously select to take with us in our journey.

As grown ups we don’t jump in joy over a water bubble, as grown ups we don’t trail behind the toy train, as grown ups we don’t hit and get hit back by the Hit-me that’s double our size, as grown ups we don’t dance around the clapping joker.

 

While we add more and more people to our life we leave behind a very important person who was a part our very being. The one who made us laugh out loud without hesitation, the one who made us climb trees without fear, the one who made us cry without embarrassment. We grow apart from the one who shaped us into what we are today…the child in us.

 

But a chance encounter with this child can bring back so many memories, moist, bitter sweet memories that you never want to let go of that child again. I saw the child in my husband today.  

 

As he selected toys for our 1.5 year old son, I saw the child in him select all the toys that he wanted to buy so many years ago in that old toy store back in his home town. I could see the wonder in his eyes as he gazed with wonder at the dancing elephant, the colourful car, the giant Hit-Me and all the new toys. I could see his need to buy a train set that his dad had bought for him when he was just a child himself, and I could still see that joy on his face when he told me all about how the penguins ran up and down the tracks on a Penguin Race game.

 

I know he wants to give all that his dad gave him and much much more. I know he will be the best dad any child could ever have because I know he is still in touch with the child within.

 

tu479

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2009 in Daily Life, Family, Love

 

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My son in his new uniform

check out his pose :-)
check out his pose 🙂

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He looks so cute and all grown up! Dont miss his school bag in the background in the second pic.

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2009 in Daily Life, Family

 

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Its a mom!

I am a mother…I have a son who is 1.5 year old. When my son was born everyone rejoiced…Its a boy! While i silently said to my self…its a mom! because the birth of a child is also the birth of a mother.

Day 1

Day 1

For the first 1-2 months all I could feel was the immense load of responsibility, lack of sleep, lack of peace, lack of space, pain in all parts of my body, fatigue …everything unpleasant. While I was happy to have a baby who was cuter than the word ‘cute’ could ever describe and more adorable than anyone could ever be, I was too consumed in the changes that he had brought in my life to notice that I was now a mother. As days passed by, and as I got adjusted to his demands and routine, I started to spend and actually enjoy sometime with him…but he was still just a cute baby who happened to be mine.

Siddhu

Then with time he started to learn to focus his gaze and I would find his gaze following me wherever I went. It was crazy I told myself, how could a 3-month old baby know I was his mother, I mean there were others who loved him equally his father, his grandmom and others. But the following continued. Then came a time when he started reaching out with his hands…touching my face…smiling, frowning, and then gradually laughing his tiny baby laugh…he was resopnding…not just to anyone…just me. He seemed to be saying, “I know you, you are my mother. We have a special bond.” I felt it then, slowly and steadily the feeling creeped in and it found home in the deepest part of my being – I was a mother.

I was made to realise this by my son, my tiny, cute baby who can still hardly say 3-4 words but can convey his love and complete trust with his simple getsures. I love the way he hugs me tight when I meet him after a gap of even a few hours, I love the way he runs to me when I open my arms to him, I love the way he snuggles up to me when he is sleepy, and I love the way he…I guess I love just every thing about him. He’s not just a cute baby anymore…he is my son!

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Posted by on June 25, 2009 in Family, Feelings, Love

 

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Freezing a moment in time…

I had one of the most wonderful experiences this weekend. One that i want to freeze in time so that it never grows old, never fades.

 

After a long wait I enjoyed my first monsoon shower…and the settiing was just perfect. I couldn’t have asked for a better layout. There I was swinging merrily on a giganttic swing in a lavish verandah, my eyes closed, the cool cool breeze bringing in mild showers from the beautiful rain outside…the exotic smell of wet earth filling my senses, and the lush greenery totally enveloping me in a fragrant embrace!!!!! WOWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!

 rain

To make the picture complete, I was with some of my closets family people…who for a change I happen to really like and have a good time with. Growing up in a nuclear family I never really knew the little joys of a joint family, of cousins, and aunts and uncles…I was so completely unaware of these things that I never even missed these things, coz i had never known them. Now I have a large family, we still have our own nuclear set-ups in different cities. Yet are so closely knit through the unconditional love that my husband and his brothers share between them that the distances don’t stand a chance.

 

Coming back to my beautiful rainy afternoon, while i sat on the swing and soaked in the freshness, I could hear voices of the three brothers and my sister-in-law chatting away happily, my neices sitting on my either side humming in their baby voices. Their voices mingled with the sound of rain added to the peaceful picture and gave me a feeling so intense that it gave me goose bumps. I felt a strong gush of completness for being a part of such a loving family.

Now I’m back to Mumbai and am sitting in an air conditioned room becuase the rain gods have still not bestowed thier blessing upon us 😦 But everytime i close my eyes I am taken back to that amazing moment in time…that perfect moment that I have frozen forever.

 
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Posted by on June 22, 2009 in Family, Feelings

 

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