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Category Archives: Daily Life

Dream a little Dream

What do we have that we can truly call our own? Something that no one can take away from us. Our assets? Our possessions? Our friends? Family? I think not. Its our dreams, our vision of what we want to be, something we want to create. “If I can see it, then I can be it, If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it!” These are powerful words!

 

I saw a movie yesterday which made me rethink about how I live my life. How I begin my feeble chase after my dreams and give up at the slightest hurdle. It made me question my intentions. Nil Battey Sannata is a movie about perseverance, about dreams and about making your dreams come true!

 

The movie has such a refreshing approach it warmed my heart. A woman who works multiple jobs – house maid, factory worker, masala maker, and what not – has just one dream. She wants to see her daughter make something of her life. While the said daughter has no ambition of her own at all…in fact, on the contrary, does everything to make sure her mother’s plans for her fail. But the  quiet perseverance of this mother, the lengths she is ready to go to, is very very inspiring. Not once in the movie does she get any charity from her employers who have the means to do it for her or the Collector who, in his capacity, could made things work for her. They just nudge her in the right direction. And that too was a pleasant surprise. Because you see, it is very easy to step in and help someone in their struggle. But it takes a lot of wisdom to gently guide and help people stand on their own two feet. Because that is what will finally see them through.

 

I have a son and naturally I have many dreams for him too. Like all modern parents I also believe in giving him space and letting him find his own place, his own ambition in life. I hope that when time comes, I have the wisdom to not take over his life and railroad my dreams on him. And I hope that if he shows signs of complete lack of ambition, I have the patience and perseverance to teach him how to dream again and to work towards making them come true. A quote from the movie that stayed with me –

“Gareeb woh hota hai jiske paas koi sapna nahi hota”

 

 

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Ramblings of a mother

Never have I been so conscious of my own shortcomings as I am now as a mother…to watch how I react every time I feel something. Then again, I think, by monitoring how I react, am I not killing my son’s spirit of spontaneity? While my lovely son has brought back the many delights of childhood in my adult life…the child in me longs for the freedom to be!

If I’m angry, I try not to show anger. If I am impatient over something, I try to be calm.  If I get a sudden fright, I try not to scream, lest I scare away the little one. If I get hurt, I do not howl, lest I’m teach my little one to howl every time he hurts himself. He is watching me at every step…every move I make becomes his role model to follow. Or adds to his confusion, because I am not perfect. But when I teach my kid, I teach him to be perfect. You should not cry over little things. You should not shout when angry or irritated. You should not run around when out. You should not hit someone just because they have annoyed you or taken your favourite toy before you could reach it! Etc. etc. etc… If my child goes to a shop and asks for things he likes, I tell him don’t pester. If he looks at things I know he likes and doesn’t ask for them he is suppressing his feelings because he has been taught not to pester.

I wonder why we lay so much stress on being good, doing the right thing, teaching the right behaviour? What happened to childlike spontaneity? Or is teaching behavior all about ingraining the childlike spontaneity with good reactions and actions?  What’s wrong, I say, with howling for 10 minutes when you hurt yourself? What’s wrong with hitting someone who has hit you? Oh! the confusion called motherhood.

At one end we teach our children to express freely, and in the same breath we teach them to monitor their feelings and not display extreme behavior. The balance between teaching good behavior and encouraging natural instinct is a fine line one needs to tread very carefully. The secret, I guess, is to guide and not teach or preach.  But who on earth has been able to unravel this secret?

 
 

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I’m not a home maker!

This summer I’m home and got nothing much to do except play with my baby and take care of him exactly the way I have been wanting to for a loooooong time. However, there are times when I sit back and analyse if this is how I want all my summers to be. And it was in between one of such analysis that the truth came to me. I’m very happy to be with my son (who is now 2.3 years old) and I’m very happy because for the first time my home is better managed and my family better fed than ever before, I’m happy that I have found time to get connected with my family with with whom I just had a passing relationship of one call in a few days.

I have also realised that I am not cut out for this role. I am not a home maker. I’m not a cook, as in I can cook, but it does not give me any special joy. I cannot go on decorating the house at length, I cannot go on depending someone else’s income to fulfill my wishes (Here I should point out that my husband will be very offended to hear this coz never in these 3 months has he ever made me feel unemployed).

I need to get out of the house, I need to meet people and I need cues around me to stimulate my thought process. When I was working I hardly had the time to blog for instance and I used to long for days when I could just browse the net, read about different things and write extensively. But if I look at the rate at which I have been blogging as compared to what it was while I was working its a hard reckoning! So I have realised this thing about my self that while I want to spend time with my family and do the best for people around me, I need to be in touch with the outside world.

So, I have made a promise to myself today that this is the only summer I am spending like this. I will make sure that I never lose touch with myself, my needs because until and unless I am happy with what I am doing I cannot make people around me happy.

 
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Posted by on May 11, 2010 in Daily Life, Family

 

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Towards a new self – Week I

So, I’ve joined the band wagon of weight loss. I went to a proper dietician and got myself a diet programme. She says I’m not over the brink (thank god for small mercies!) but I need to lose those extra 4-5 kgs to be in the “Healthy” category.  So now I have fruits (yuck!) three times a day, vegetable juice (double yuckkkkkkkk!!!), Amla juice (torture liquid!), ginger shots!!!!!!!!,  rotis made out of a mixture of different grains (not too bad) once a day and soya milk (chocolate flavour!!! yummyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!) once a day. So, all in all its not so bad.

In return I get to wear my old clothes which I have only be looking at for the past 2 years. They say maternal fat is not eternal…but these 2.5 years definitely seemed like an eternity to me. But now I can see myself in all my old jeans and t-shirts that have been mocking me for so long…its pay back time!!!

To help matters a bit I’m also applying the ‘Secret’ law to it. For the un-initiated, the law says that the world is your genie. It will give you what you ask for. But the ‘secret’ is to ask it in earnest and believe that you will get it, then visualise yourself with it. That way mother nature will pave your way towards achieving it and all hurdles will disappear and start working in your favour. So I have stuck some old photos of mine at several place where they are hard to miss and keep thinking of myself like that again.

In this series I will give you a week by week update of my progress towards my new self. The first week is not bad actually except the Detox day. That day I had the following symptoms –

  • Headache
  • Hunger
  • Food Cravings
  • Irritation (due to hunger)

The week that is following is much easier as there is really no restriction on how much I can eat what is scheduled for each slot. For instance if its fruits at 7 pm I can eat as many fruits as I want…I can make a fruit salad with interesting seasonings and toppings.

I am waiting for Saturday when I have my next sitting. Based on my experience and results from the first week, she will give  me the plan for the 2nd week. I hope I do well enough for her to give me soya milk again!!! I hate the regular thing but chocolate flavour is delicious!

BEFORE

 
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Posted by on April 23, 2010 in Daily Life

 

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Being a Parent

I learned today the true meaning of being a parent…or maybe not. I’m also scared of what else this role of being a parent has in store for me. Because if this was not the worst…I shiver to think what else there is!

As a child I was very demanding…I needed my mom 24×7. When I woke up in the morning, when I came back from school, when I wanted to eat something, when I woke up from my afternoon nap, when I came back in the evening after play and when I went to bed at night…like I said 24×7! And she gave it all…she was there for me…and my two sisters. Today I am a mother myself, have my own set of challenges, priorities, needs, responsibilities and duties. And I find myself torn…torn between all of the above and giving my child what my mom gave me – her complete selfless devotion.

It is so difficult to find the right balance between loving and pampering, between suggesting and spoon feeding, between supporting and handholding. If I spend too much time with him he becomes too clingy, if I keep him away from myself I’m betraying his trust and letting him down. If I let him have his way I’m making him stubborn, if I’m firm with him I’m curbing his spirit.

A bird looks after her eggs till they hatch, feeds her little ones till they learn to fly and then forgets about them for the rest of her life…so do most of other animals and creatures in this world. Then why did God made us differently? Why did he not give us the strength to make our children independent and leave them to face the world on their own?

I hope I have the insight and understanding to give him everything he needs and yet teach him the value of what he has. For this I have to learn a few lessons like letting him go, letting him fall and pick himself up. I need to detach myself and play the role of a third person who is not his mom but a mentor, be firm yet kind, punish and reward at the same time.

I’m so scared!

 
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Posted by on April 16, 2010 in Daily Life, Feelings, Love

 

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The child in us!

Growing up is inevitable. As we grow we see a new life, meet new people, form new relationships while old relationships change. Our circle of life expands to include people who we sometimes conciously and sometimes unconciously select to take with us in our journey.

As grown ups we don’t jump in joy over a water bubble, as grown ups we don’t trail behind the toy train, as grown ups we don’t hit and get hit back by the Hit-me that’s double our size, as grown ups we don’t dance around the clapping joker.

 

While we add more and more people to our life we leave behind a very important person who was a part our very being. The one who made us laugh out loud without hesitation, the one who made us climb trees without fear, the one who made us cry without embarrassment. We grow apart from the one who shaped us into what we are today…the child in us.

 

But a chance encounter with this child can bring back so many memories, moist, bitter sweet memories that you never want to let go of that child again. I saw the child in my husband today.  

 

As he selected toys for our 1.5 year old son, I saw the child in him select all the toys that he wanted to buy so many years ago in that old toy store back in his home town. I could see the wonder in his eyes as he gazed with wonder at the dancing elephant, the colourful car, the giant Hit-Me and all the new toys. I could see his need to buy a train set that his dad had bought for him when he was just a child himself, and I could still see that joy on his face when he told me all about how the penguins ran up and down the tracks on a Penguin Race game.

 

I know he wants to give all that his dad gave him and much much more. I know he will be the best dad any child could ever have because I know he is still in touch with the child within.

 

tu479

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2009 in Daily Life, Family, Love

 

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Blogger’s Block

This is a weird phase for me

I had just started basking with glee

In the glory of kind words of praise

Thought my quality of writing it will raise

People appreciated my posts on this blog

Like birds of same feather together they began to flock

Everyday I found some new inspiration

Topics of love, friend, importance to the nation

I was on a roll of some sort

Coz everyday I wrote a lot

But then came a sudden slump

My mind just went numb

Issues and topics came to me

But words, they just left me

I could not write beyond a single line

For a new post I began to pine

Could this be happening this soon

My keyboard wouldn’t dance to my tune

I’m lost for words to express

This is what they call a block, I guess

But I have wowed to bounce back

And make up for the past slack

So hang in there my dear readers

I am about to shift gears

Very soon my pen will begin to flow

And this time I will not let it slow

I may be down but I am not out

I will be back with a bang – clear and loud!

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2009 in Daily Life

 

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