Are we moving forward or backward? May 12, 2010

God created all creatures equal. He did not send any instructions tucked away in the collar of Adam and Eve on how each should be treated in this world. He did not send any documents signed with His almighty seal prescribing the way one should regard the other. Then where do I ask did these holy scripture come from? These extremely biased scriptures which define the roles and rules governing men and women!

Every other day we hear of some or the other holy governing body slapping some fine or punishment for women doing something or the other. One country says you wear a burqa or you are killed, another country says wearing burqa not allowed. One says elementary education is compulsory and a right for all children, irrespective of caste and religion while another says girls should stay indoors and not meet any boys whatsoever.

The recent fatwa against women working in public/private companies where they come in direct contact with men is just outrageous! In a day and age where women all over the world are learning and gearing up to be more and more independent this comes as a solid blow. While the educated crust of the Muslim society may go unscathed, this new madness is going to cause some serious and long lasting scars on the growth of Muslim women.

One fine day, some old men sitting idle with nothing to do but meddle in the ways of the world decide that women are in serious danger of offending god if they as much as talk to men!!! What age is this??? Why suddenly? Where were they all this while and how come no one saw this directive until today? And why is there never a fatwa governing men or telling them not to beat their wives, or have innumerable children or take more than one wife? I want to ask is there no way we can stop these mad men from ruling and ruining the lives of millions of women all over the world? Is there no way that the entire population of this world can tell these handful of madmen to shut up and mind their own business?

I guess that’s not the way it works. We live in a world where words like ‘equality’ and ‘freedom’ are used at people’s convenience. When people in power have an agenda to push they start talking about equality – of casts, colour, gender – and freedom of men and women. Once their interests are met no one has the time to look who they have wounded and how!

I’m not a home maker! May 11, 2010

This summer I’m home and got nothing much to do except play with my baby and take care of him exactly the way I have been wanting to for a loooooong time. However, there are times when I sit back and analyse if this is how I want all my summers to be. And it was in between one of such analysis that the truth came to me. I’m very happy to be with my son (who is now 2.3 years old) and I’m very happy because for the first time my home is better managed and my family better fed than ever before, I’m happy that I have found time to get connected with my family with with whom I just had a passing relationship of one call in a few days.

I have also realised that I am not cut out for this role. I am not a home maker. I’m not a cook, as in I can cook, but it does not give me any special joy. I cannot go on decorating the house at length, I cannot go on depending someone else’s income to fulfill my wishes (Here I should point out that my husband will be very offended to hear this coz never in these 3 months has he ever made me feel unemployed).

I need to get out of the house, I need to meet people and I need cues around me to stimulate my thought process. When I was working I hardly had the time to blog for instance and I used to long for days when I could just browse the net, read about different things and write extensively. But if I look at the rate at which I have been blogging as compared to what it was while I was working its a hard reckoning! So I have realised this thing about my self that while I want to spend time with my family and do the best for people around me, I need to be in touch with the outside world.

So, I have made a promise to myself today that this is the only summer I am spending like this. I will make sure that I never lose touch with myself, my needs because until and unless I am happy with what I am doing I cannot make people around me happy.

Towards a new self – Week I April 23, 2010

So, I’ve joined the band wagon of weight loss. I went to a proper dietician and got myself a diet programme. She says I’m not over the brink (thank god for small mercies!) but I need to lose those extra 4-5 kgs to be in the “Healthy” category.  So now I have fruits (yuck!) three times a day, vegetable juice (double yuckkkkkkkk!!!), Amla juice (torture liquid!), ginger shots!!!!!!!!,  rotis made out of a mixture of different grains (not too bad) once a day and soya milk (chocolate flavour!!! yummyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!) once a day. So, all in all its not so bad.

In return I get to wear my old clothes which I have only be looking at for the past 2 years. They say maternal fat is not eternal…but these 2.5 years definitely seemed like an eternity to me. But now I can see myself in all my old jeans and t-shirts that have been mocking me for so long…its pay back time!!!

To help matters a bit I’m also applying the ‘Secret’ law to it. For the un-initiated, the law says that the world is your genie. It will give you what you ask for. But the ‘secret’ is to ask it in earnest and believe that you will get it, then visualise yourself with it. That way mother nature will pave your way towards achieving it and all hurdles will disappear and start working in your favour. So I have stuck some old photos of mine at several place where they are hard to miss and keep thinking of myself like that again.

In this series I will give you a week by week update of my progress towards my new self. The first week is not bad actually except the Detox day. That day I had the following symptoms -

• Headache
• Hunger
• Food Cravings
• Irritation (due to hunger)

The week that is following is much easier as there is really no restriction on how much I can eat what is scheduled for each slot. For instance if its fruits at 7 pm I can eat as many fruits as I want…I can make a fruit salad with interesting seasonings and toppings.

I am waiting for Saturday when I have my next sitting. Based on my experience and results from the first week, she will give  me the plan for the 2nd week. I hope I do well enough for her to give me soya milk again!!! I hate the regular thing but chocolate flavour is delicious!

BEFORE

Cheese Rolls! April 22, 2010

This is a new category – recipes! Now I’m no cook…I had never cooked a day till 3 years back. And today I can dish out a fair meal…I think . Anyway, so here I’ll share all my experiment recipes with fellow non-cooks and tips & tricks to make it work.

Cheese Rolls

Ingredients:

1. Cheese – you can use Amul cheese cubes  – 5 cubes

2. Curd – 2-3 spoon fulls

3. Chopped Corriander- 1 tb spoon

4. Chopped Green Chillies – 1 tea spoon

5. Salt & pepper to taste

6. Bread Slices – 10 slices

7. oil – For frying

Process:

1. Grate the cheese cubes finely.

2. Add curd, corriander, chillies, salt and pepper to it.

3. Cut the sides of the bread slices and pat some water on it.

4. Place a small tea spoon of the cheese mixture in the middle of the bread slice and make small balls out of them.

5. Heat oil in a deep fry utensil.

6. Deep fry the cheese balls on low flame till golden brown

Serve hot with ketchup or green chutney!

Being a Parent April 16, 2010

I learned today the true meaning of being a parent…or maybe not. I’m also scared of what else this role of being a parent has in store for me. Because if this was not the worst…I shiver to think what else there is!

As a child I was very demanding…I needed my mom 24×7. When I woke up in the morning, when I came back from school, when I wanted to eat something, when I woke up from my afternoon nap, when I came back in the evening after play and when I went to bed at night…like I said 24×7! And she gave it all…she was there for me…and my two sisters. Today I am a mother myself, have my own set of challenges, priorities, needs, responsibilities and duties. And I find myself torn…torn between all of the above and giving my child what my mom gave me – her complete selfless devotion.

It is so difficult to find the right balance between loving and pampering, between suggesting and spoon feeding, between supporting and handholding. If I spend too much time with him he becomes too clingy, if I keep him away from myself I’m betraying his trust and letting him down. If I let him have his way I’m making him stubborn, if I’m firm with him I’m curbing his spirit.

A bird looks after her eggs till they hatch, feeds her little ones till they learn to fly and then forgets about them for the rest of her life…so do most of other animals and creatures in this world. Then why did God made us differently? Why did he not give us the strength to make our children independent and leave them to face the world on their own?

I hope I have the insight and understanding to give him everything he needs and yet teach him the value of what he has. For this I have to learn a few lessons like letting him go, letting him fall and pick himself up. I need to detach myself and play the role of a third person who is not his mom but a mentor, be firm yet kind, punish and reward at the same time.

I’m so scared!

Entering a New Life! March 8, 2010

I hardly remember enjoying the rituals during my wedding. There was too much happening at the same time for me to grasp anything. Everything is just a blur, especially the rituals where we just did as we were told. The whole family drama, the relatives, the preparations to welcome a new bride and the customes to make her feel comfortable were all lost on me then. I was too pre-occupied with my feelings about the changes it would bring in my life.

However, when recently my brother-in-law got married I got a chance to live my wedding one more time…and truely enjoy it this time! Having been close to both bride and groom, I got an insider view of the preparations on both side. As they went through the selection of different things to begin their new life I remembered having endless discussions with my then would-be husband about what all we should buy now and what all we will buy later – together…all the while taking advise from my sisters, mother and good friends. Then came the smallest of rituals which all hold some meaning to bless us and prepare us for the new life we are about to step into.

Watching them from the outside this time I could see it all in flashback. I could see myself as the excited bride, all decked up, following every ritual in earnest, clearly enjoying the attention ! I could see my husband looking handsome in his Sherwaani and smiling to the world at large (more to himself ). I saw us hunched up next the the holy fire during the Pheras listening devoutly to the Mantras being recited for us…but really hearing and understanding them now.

Then came the homecoming of the bride and the nervous excitment of my in-laws about making the new bride feel at home in the new household. I saw for the first time how they were all earnestly making an effort to put the best foot forward and welcome the new bride. I was taken back to my first few days in this new family every where small details had been taken into consideration to ensure a smooth ride for me. I was touched all over again as my mother-in-law made a list of all the things that should be kept in the new room to ensure she didnt have to ask for anything and remembered that I too had found everything ready for me. I remember how on the 2nd day my father-in-law had declared that now I would come before my husband in his consideration so I should never hesitate to come to him if I ever had a problem or complain about my husband.  Everything now made so much sense and brought tears in my eyes coz for the first time I could see my in-laws and my own parents.

A special mention goes to my elder sister-in-law. Having come to the family first she had survived in a household totally unprepared for a girl’s presence. Her suggestion to my mother-in-law to make certain arrangements to make us more comfortable were not lost on me. I understood that she was trying to give us everything she had to arrange for herself. Having benefitted from her thoughtfullness I took an active part in making the preparations to welcome our newest family member.

I am now much more a part of this family than I ever was. I now know that a groom’s family is just as excited, nervous and eager to include a new member in their family and their life as the bride is. I feel I am very lucky to have found not just the perfect husband but also the perfect family to spend the rest of my life with!

The child in us! September 21, 2009

Growing up is inevitable. As we grow we see a new life, meet new people, form new relationships while old relationships change. Our circle of life expands to include people who we sometimes conciously and sometimes unconciously select to take with us in our journey.

As grown ups we don’t jump in joy over a water bubble, as grown ups we don’t trail behind the toy train, as grown ups we don’t hit and get hit back by the Hit-me that’s double our size, as grown ups we don’t dance around the clapping joker.

 

While we add more and more people to our life we leave behind a very important person who was a part our very being. The one who made us laugh out loud without hesitation, the one who made us climb trees without fear, the one who made us cry without embarrassment. We grow apart from the one who shaped us into what we are today…the child in us.

 

But a chance encounter with this child can bring back so many memories, moist, bitter sweet memories that you never want to let go of that child again. I saw the child in my husband today.  

 

As he selected toys for our 1.5 year old son, I saw the child in him select all the toys that he wanted to buy so many years ago in that old toy store back in his home town. I could see the wonder in his eyes as he gazed with wonder at the dancing elephant, the colourful car, the giant Hit-Me and all the new toys. I could see his need to buy a train set that his dad had bought for him when he was just a child himself, and I could still see that joy on his face when he told me all about how the penguins ran up and down the tracks on a Penguin Race game.

 

I know he wants to give all that his dad gave him and much much more. I know he will be the best dad any child could ever have because I know he is still in touch with the child within.

 

What is love? August 7, 2009

Today I ask the eternal question

Please don’t answer without reflection

For it is different for each I know

Though cupid uses same arrow ‘n bow

Some say it is giving, or letting go

Love has only friends, knows no foe

To some it is forever a mystery

For some it is related to chemistry

What makes it happen no one knows

When hearts grow fonder, the feeling grows

 

When I found love, or when love found me

It consumed me, pampered me, tricked n cajoled me

Took me to heights I’d never known before

Excited me, challenged me, thrilled me to the core

I had no choice but to surrender

To a feeling so beautiful n so tender

I know I’m lucky to be blessed

Coz for some it’s a forever quest

 

But never give up on love, I’d say

Coz it will find you, on a bright, beautiful day

Your world will never be the same again

Love has no place for sorrow or pain

It’ll touch you when you’re least aware

Fill you with a warmth, oh! so rare

Just follow its lead, go with the flow

The secret is in giving control, letting go

Blogger’s Block August 6, 2009

This is a weird phase for me

I had just started basking with glee

In the glory of kind words of praise

Thought my quality of writing it will raise

People appreciated my posts on this blog

Like birds of same feather together they began to flock

Everyday I found some new inspiration

Topics of love, friend, importance to the nation

I was on a roll of some sort

Coz everyday I wrote a lot

But then came a sudden slump

My mind just went numb

Issues and topics came to me

But words, they just left me

I could not write beyond a single line

For a new post I began to pine

Could this be happening this soon

My keyboard wouldn’t dance to my tune

I’m lost for words to express

This is what they call a block, I guess

But I have wowed to bounce back

And make up for the past slack

So hang in there my dear readers

I am about to shift gears

Very soon my pen will begin to flow

And this time I will not let it slow

I may be down but I am not out

I will be back with a bang – clear and loud!

Hi-Tide, Bye-Tide July 23, 2009

This year in Mumbai
We have the alert from monsoon-bhai
Stay indoor or get washed away
The weather-man warns almost everyday
Schools are shut to avoid a calamity
We all shiver under floods enormity
But as we gaze at the sky
It’s covered with black clouds that act sly
Light drizzles and showers in the name of rain
Even the ground water levels have nothing to gain
The city is reeling with water-shortage
While water logging is all over TV footage
The monsoon’s taken us all for a ride
This year it is Hi(gh)-tide, bye-tide!